Robby, Every & Kenny at the beach in Tumon

I love the beach. For a while, when the boys were even smaller, it could be quite a hassle to lug everything we needed to the beach, including carrying the kids! Now that they can walk AND help carry a few things, going to the beach is a breeze!

We go to different beaches all over Guam, but quite often, we default to Tumon for ease and comfort. It’s more sand and less rocks & coral (which has its downsides in my opinion!) and it is also easy to park somewhere and walk right to the beach. And with all the hotels along the beach, there are usually showers around to sneak into and get rinsed off with fresh water before going home. It’s basically one long beach in the bay with plenty of spots to choose from.

Filled with tourists and locals alike, it almost resembles a much lower key version of Waikiki. For this reason, a lot of people would probably prefer to

Instead of sandcastles, we build pillows and furniture!

venture out to more private beaches. They exist all over the place, but are often on someone’s property, or have difficult access in general. Or they are very rocky beaches with rougher waters and stronger currents. Or you have to get there by boat. Or its a very long drive from where you live. Either way, Tumon is a pretty standard beach spot on Guam, and we have found our own little pockets that we like to hang out in.

I love every adventure we take to the beach, and its fun going to beaches we haven’t been to in a long while. And I’ve become quite adept at packing for a family beach day. We take with us a large blanket, drinks & snacks in a mini colapsable cooler, extra clothes, a towel or two, a bucket with a couple shovels ‘n’ things, a small bag for our keys, money, etc, and sometimes I bring a book if I think I can get some relaxing reading time in. Everything is in one big (but not TOO big) beach bag, except for the blanket and the mini cooler. The boys carry their bucket and shovels. Easy as 1 2 3. Oh, don’t forget a bag for wet clothes/towels when you leave!

Reaching for Joy!

I’ve been consistently doing yoga for awhile now, and of course, being a mother of two little boys, they often join in, or try to thwart my poses. Sometimes, when I am sitting in the pose to the right, reaching for joy, little Kenny will come and tickle me. They say that laughter is the perfect breath, so thank you Kenny, for making my yoga sessions that much more effective and efficient!

At first, I would get frustrated when I was trying to focus in a pose (like the vulnerable bridge pose) and someone would come over and start beating on my belly. I’ve had to rethink my reasons for doing yoga in the first place, and also give in to the realities of being in the presence of little ones. If I really want to do a more peaceful and meditative session, I will wait until nap time. Otherwise, I have learned to incorporate my kids into my poses. You can take a look at some of the photos below of my pose modifications to involve my playful little toddler.

I’ve also discovered the benefits of photographing yourself while in a pose. I can see the areas that I need to adjust and shift. I can see where one side of my body is able to stretch further than the other. I can get an outside perspective, which is always refreshing and offers me a better chance for improvement when practicing at home. I don’t really ever make it to actual yoga classes, so I don’t have a teacher to adjust my movements as I do them. I am my own home practice teacher and student I guess!  

Weeee! I put him in the "airplane" position, and then, while supporting his hips, slowly lifted my legs until he was upside down.

My favorite backbend pose!

This is harder than it looks, LOL

Don't you touch that camera Kenny!

Downward Dog Pose

Ahhh....Peace.

Tumon Bay, the northern end

We go to the beach as often as we can. I managed to get some passersby to take some photos of us so that I could get in the pictures too! Just about any mother can tell you, we’re the ones usually taking the photos, and hardly ever get in them! So here are some of my favorites…

Love this one of Every and I, can you see my funky tan line? =D

Little Kenny Boy!

Beached Whale! Every, swimming in the sea...

Every and Kenny in Confinement

Path Toward the Beach

Path Along the Beach

We love the beach!!

Table for one and a half please!

So here is what I do to treat myself on occasion! The effort and preparation to create a delectable and beautiful candlelit dinner is so worth it! It really feels like I just ordered a $25 dinner in a fancy restaurant, complete with a cocktail.

Often when I am trying to figure out what to feed the kids for dinner, I just eat whatever they are eating. Sometimes it is peanut butter and jelly or even cereal. It is actually pretty rare that I make a full dinner, including salad. The boys won’t eat salad, so taking the extra time to prepare a salad for myself can by trying when they are just screaming for their own food.

Often I just say forget it, and forgo the greens. While it seems I am okay with it, inside I am really wanting that salad! I deserve to eat the healthy foods that I really want to eat, and it is worth it to go the extra mile for ME. 

So tonight I did! Every was out with his dad, so little Kenny and I enjoyed this fancy dinner together.  

Spinach Salad with Baked Chicken Tenders

MENU:

Spinach Salad with cucumbers, carrots, red peppers, and balsamic vinaigrette 

Chicken Tenders coated in flour, egg, and panko bread crumbs, Baked.

Chips and Salsa 

7-Seven Cocktail

Applesauce on the side for little Kenny

Ready or not, here I come!

For the last year or so, I have been working on allowing myself to play. At first, this was surprisingly very hard for me. I pretty much had to force myself to play, putting in quite a bit of effort to transform the thoughts of guilt into acceptance and allowance. So for awhile, playing was indeed, work. 

With a lot of creativity and determination, I have managed to bring a lot of play into my life. I am learning to integrate it into my daily routines and rituals, as well as set aside good chunks of time devoted to just playing. 

My “words” for this year are Adventure, Fly, Energy, & Balance. I’m putting a lot of action toward having fun, living life to its fullest, and maximizing my energy levels by staying connected and balanced. So all in all, I am ready to FLY. Or in this particular case, I am ready to take off down the slide, LOL.

We love the playground at Ypao Beach Park!

View from the beach of Two Lovers Point

The view from one of the view holes in the "tunnels" on the playground.

We’ve been going on a lot of beach and playground excursions, and loving it. I even bought some “adventure” materials, like a collapsable cooler and thermos. I plan on investing in a good bathing suit (the one I have just doesn’t “suit” me anymore, LOL) and also some good hiking shoes. 

I hope we get going on a fun hiking adventure soon, that will be so fun! We’ll have to start with somewhere that’s really easy and short. I’m going for fun here, not the challenge! 

We had a lot of fun at Ypao Beach Park (pictured) and I’m sure it will be a frequented spot for us! I am so proud of myself that I have rediscovered the joys of playing. Most of the time at the playground I am either reading a book or magazine, actively playing on the playground, munching on some snacks, or just resting in the sun. So there is a lot of variety in what I consider to be play! What are you doing to have fun and engage in play lately?

We've cleared some of the garden!

So last year I got into gardening and had a lot of fun doing it. It was very satisfying “work” for me and was actually quite meditative! After a few months, my efforts tapered off, and the garden gradually morphed back into the jungle of weeds it had started out as. Well inspiration has struck and I’m following my renewed urge to get digging in the dirt again! We’ve cleared some of the weeds and hopefully we keep going. With some love and hard work/play, we can only do good things!

Every, hard at work (and play) in the garden.

The boys have been putting in their share of efforts toward our gardening creations. We invested in some “big boy” tools for Every, and gave the smaller set to Kenny.

With some practice, they will soon be awesome caretakers of the garden! It gets us all outside, a chance to burn energy and get sweaty while creating something awesome and productive.

I love the feeling of finishing up a great session in the dirt and walking back to the house for a hearty lunch. So satisfying!

Paya, watching over our gardening activities.

Paya, resting after all that work, LOL

"I love the feeling of finishing up a great session in the dirt and walking back to the house for a hearty lunch. So satisfying!"

Even the cat has joined in the festivities! Paya loves to play in the dirt, soaking in the suns rays. 

I’m not exactly sure what all we are going to grow, I have to take inventory of the seeds we have. We planted a row of flowers in the front, we’ll see if they sprout! I’m hoping to grow some corn and some herbs for sure. There is some basil and oregano still growing amongst all the weeds. Maybe we’ll do some greens, and I’d love to grow cucumbers, though I had some difficulties with them the last time around. 

I think the best part about gardening is the way it makes me feel. Really getting in TOUCH with the earth helps when you’re trying to get in touch with the earth, LOL. It reminds me of all that the elements of the earth do to sustain our world, and that I can do my best to give my love back to the earth, our “mother” and nurturer.

Beach side of the park

The boys and I went to the beach the other day, which happens to also be a huge park with a sidewalk circling the perimeter. It was such a nice way to pass the time away while relaxing, having fun, and being out of the house. Although I have lived on an island my whole life, I have not ventured to the beach much since I’ve had children! This is mostly because I’ve experienced too many tantrums over getting out of the water, or god forbid, leaving the beach. I don’t like ending things on a negative note, so having that experience as the ending to our adventure was just not all that appealing!

Little boys on a mission!

Nevertheless, I love the beach. I love listening the sound of the water, letting the suns rays purify my Being, looking for shells to add to our collection, eating yummy snacks, releasing energy by playing in the water and running in the sand and the grass, and just being somewhere that seems to be designated as a place of fun and relaxation. While I am there, I can’t stop and say “Wait, let me go switch out the laundry real quick” or “Hang on a minute, I just have to clear the kitchen a bit before we go outside.” There is no delaying the fun when you are at the beach or the park! So we went again today. And this time, I was totally prepared. I packed plenty of snacks, water, towels, extra clothes, a blanket, reading/writing materials for me in case inspiration struck, toys, and even extra shoes for particular little boys who can’t stand their slippers being wet.

Mommy & Every in the water

Today I really just let go. I stopped trying. I find that I am always “trying” to do things. Trying to relax. Trying to clean. Trying to be a nice mommy. Trying to be creative and artistic. Today I said “to hell with it” and just stopped trying. I was totally myself, which included a few mean monster mommy moments! But we also had a ton of fun in our three hour beach park excursion. I accepted the fact that the boys were going to be obsessed with the water, and would have sand hidden in crevices I never knew existed on their little bodies. I accepted the fact that the house might be a disaster when we got home, and that I didn’t have to clean it yet if I didn’t want to. I accepted the fact that today was going to be designated as a fun day, but that I wasn’t going to TRY to make it a fun day. It was just going to BE a fun day. And overall, it was. =)

The park side of the beach park

Beautiful Glimmering Beach Boy

Let's go in the water NOW mom!

Beach monkeys on the table

Having discovered Ho’oponopono about a year ago, I have had tons of opportunities to apply it in my everyday life. Taking responsibility for one’s own creations sounds so simple, but I have experienced some intensity around this concept! One of the toughest and ironically, the easiest and most efficient areas in my life to apply this process has been with my children.

As we all know, children are extremely receptive beings. They hold the gift of simplistic truth and the ability to live in the present in all moments. The beauty of this is that we are each of us still children at heart, so we too still posess these gifts. The children in our lives are here to remind us of this. In my own life, my children seem to really test my ability to keep my cool, especially in public! One such incident (that inspired this post!) occured at K-mart the other day.  My son and I had had a discussion before going to the store that we weren’t buying anything but a picture frame, and he seemed to understand this pretty clearly. I reminded him that we’d be going to grandma’s store afterwards and he could enjoy a smoothie and a cookie as a treat for the day. He seemed excited and content with this information. As we passed through the electronics area, he was distracted by a locked display case containing DVDs of well-known characters that he loves. He begged and begged. I reminded him of our discussion, the later treats, and also that the display was locked and we couldn’t just take one out. He started screaming. I felt the tension coming, and I remembered Ho’oponopono. I immediately offered the situation up for transmutation. Connecting first to my subconscious, I repeated the phrases “I love you,” “I’m sorry,” “Please forgive me,” and “Thank you.” As I was repeating them a few times, he kept begging and screaming. I kept the cart moving toward the picture frames. The incessant Ho’oponopono kept me centered at the least, and also kept me in a non-reaction mode. By taking responsibility that I had somehow created this situation, that the tension I was experiencing was a memory in my subconscious rising to the surface to be cleared and “cleaned,” I was able to remain open to divine transmutation. The conversation in my mind went something like this:

I love you. I love my son, I love myself, I love all, because we are all one and the same. Divinity, I am sorry that I am feeling this way. I do not want to feel this way or experience this, and I understand that you have brought this to my attention for a reason, and that reason being that I have some cleaning to do. Please forgive me for any resentment or rage I am feeling towards you, myself, and my son. I do not understand the infinite complexity of this moment, and it is okay to not know. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Please forgive me for disconnecting from your love that is always pouring over me and my son. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Thank you. Thank you for loving me. I forgive myself. Thank you. I love you. I love you. I do not know why my son is experiencing such intense energy. I ask that with your love that is within us, anything that is not right be transmuted. Any unwanted thoughts, feelings, energies and ties that are binding us at this moment, please release them now. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you.

Keep in mind that while this was all going on in my head, my son was still screaming, and I was just quickly going about my business, letting him know that I hear him, that I can feel his struggle, and that I love him. That I know he really wants something, and that I am listening, but must do what I am doing. With the Ho’oponopono going on in my mind, I was able to stay centered enough to respond ti him in this way. If I hadn’t (and there have been many instances when I did not!), I may have reacted with guilt, blame, and shame. Thinking more along the lines of:

Why can’t you be quiet? I know you want the DVD, but you are really irritating me right now. We already talked about this and now you are just throwing it back in my face, trying to ruin my day! This sucks! I am feeling like crap, people are staring at us, and I’m starting to feel utterly frustrated and confused. Why are you doing this to me? Be quiet!! No! You can NOT have the DVD, we are leaving NOW and I am not getting you anything! Maybe we won’t even go to grandma’s store! 

For me, that is a huge difference. Practicing incessant Ho’oponopono leaves no room in my thoughts for a conversation like the second one mentioned! And with my kids, these conversations can make or break my day sometimes! It really comes down to remembering to practice, and the more frequent the practice, the more it becomes my natural and dominant response to any situation.

I want to mention that I also practice Ho’oponopono out loud around my kids when I feel so inclined. Sometimes I feel like the crazy mommy barely awake with frazzled hair, sitting on the floor surrounded by cheerios and yogurt that have been spilled everywhere, sand creaming children in the background. Yet there I am, sitting, repeating out loud “I LOVE YOU. I’M SORRY. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. THANK YOU!” Sometimes in my raging monster mommy moments, these phrases come out of my mouth as militant commands, as though my ego is fighting against me. Sometimes the conversation during these intense at-home moments goes a little like this when I’m having an “off” day:

I love you. I don’t know that the heck is going on right now but I love you. Thank you for this opportunity for me to let go of my rage. I’m sorry. I don’t know what the heck for, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry I feel like ripping my hair out and just walking out the door, yogurt  dripping off my shoulder and all. I’m sorry for not wanting to be a mommy right now. Please forgive me. Divinity, please forgive me and transmute these feelings with your love. With my love. I love you. I love my children. I love my children. I love my children. Do I really love my children? Yes, I think I do. They are driving me nuts. But I love them. Thank you. I love you. I’m sorry I am seeing this situation as a problem. I’m sorry I cannot see the blessings in all of this right now. I forgive myself. I forgive myself. I forgive myself. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you. I love my children. I love myself. I love you. I love you. I love you. Thank you! 

Indeed, Ho’oponopono is a wonderful process for me to practice. It helps for me to remember that I am not doing it to see results. I am doing it to feel better in the moment. And that is the most important result there is.

The relationship between my children and I, especially with my older son who is three, has been an ongoing progression. There have been a lot of ups and downs, triumphs and defeats. We have been through some very difficult experiences together, and there have been periods where I have been able to transform these experiences into joyful growth. Sometimes I am able to shift my perspective and see all the beauty in what perceived challenges we’ve overcome. Lately though, we’ve been in a bit of turmoil. I have been experiencing what I can only describe as outbursts of rage and absolute frustration. Sometimes I feel as though I am really making an effort to be one step ahead of each of our needs so that we can live peacefully, but that one or both kids just throw it back in my face. I end up feeling unappreciated, unheard, overwhelmed, and hateful. When I get into that downward spiral of dark emotions, it seems as though they really are plotting against me!

      Today I was reflecting on my own childhood, and was finally able to admit to myself that while my overall circumstances seemed “fine” on the outside, I was experiencing a lot of pain on the inside. Feelings of loneliness and longing were the dominant emotions. My nightmares involved being abandoned and left alone to fight what darkness may exist. My parents showed me much love, and they were really doing the best they could, but I often felt overlooked and ignored. It seemed as though their own problems were so great that whatever complaints I had tended to be brushed aside or minimalized. They seemed to be struggling to make ends meet, and I felt like I was struggling to just BE with them in the moment. I felt some intense emotions, but I’m not sure I felt safe enough to express them, so I suppressed them for the most part. They would make their way to the surface in outbursts of rage, frustration and jealousy of others who had it “better” than I. In the past, I might put blame on my parents for my circumstances or emotions, but today I can recognize that they were feeling their own intense emotions. Perhaps they were just mirroring to me that they too felt unappreciated, unheard, unimportant and maybe even small and powerless. There is no blame here. But I am taking responsibility by recognizing my part in the situation as well as their part, and taking inspired action to move forward by ending the cycle!

There was much joy in my life, but I feel it is important for me to recognized the emotions that were suppressed for so long, because they seem to really be making their way to the surface lately. My two young children sometimes end up being at the receiving end of my explosions, and it never feels good for any of us. It is my desire to allow all of those suppress emotions come to the surface and be released from my soul, so that I can fully move on and grow in exponential ways. My children and I deserve to feel joy!

      So today, I resolve to have constructive outlets to release whatever suppressed emotions exist in my heart. Through my artwork, mindful breathing, vigorous and exuberating exercise, music and dance, or even just beating or screaming into a pillow.

     We are a TEAM as a family, and we work together. We support each other and offer unconditional love and forgiveness on a moment-to-moment basis. It is healthy for my children to see me move through this, and it is important for me to model healthy ways of releasing built-up intesity. We respect each other and have patience with each other. I am the facilitator, offering an abundance of opportunities for us all to grow and create.

     
        As the more experienced in form, it is my “job” to show my children effective ways to function in this physical realm. As the more recently born from the spirit realm, it is my children’s “job” to remind me of the divine within me, and to follow my intuition in each moment. As beings with less “should” or “supposed to” programming, they remind me to be myself. Refreshingly honest and full of energy and vitality, I have a lot to learn from my children!

      I desire to keep moving forward with progress in the relationship between my children and I. Putting this into focus, I hope that I can create reminders for myself often enough to have peace and joy be the dominant emotions in this relationship!