I am no expert on the subject of parenting. In fact, if you’d asked me awhile back, I’d say I was a complete failure of a parent and the last person you’d want parenting advice from. The thing is, I can give great parenting advice, but the reality? I just suck at taking my own advice! So here I am, sharing more of my story. I’ve written a bit about my parenting journey (read: struggles), but have not updated in a long time.
At this time, I have two little boys, ages 3 and 5. The last 6 years have been trying, to say the least. But growth knows no boundaries, and wow I have grown! I went from being totally confident, to having the rug pulled out from under me, to having the rug beaten onto my head repeatedly, to giving up and pulling the rug over me, to slowly coming out of the dark tunnel and into some kind of light, to beating myself with the rug again and thinking it would never end and only get worse, to things getting better and almost embracing having the rug there in the first place, to sitting on the rug, holding on tight, and being terrified of the ride, but no longer beating myself with the rug. WHEW! Didja get all that?
Basically, I still have bouts of rages and adult temper tantrums, much to my children’s amusement, but all in all, I am in a much better place than before. I have found more peace and calm in my communications with my kids on a more consistent basis. It has become easier to pause before reacting. I am still learning to take that irritated tone out of my voice…this is the toughest. I feel like I am a naturally irritated person when it comes to my children. Sometimes it is an environmental thing, in that I just need to make some adjustments in our home to make life easier and simpler. Other times its a self-nurturing thing, when I need to remember to take care of me so that I may be full of energy to deal with day-to-day parenting stuff. And yet still, sometimes, I think to myself “maybe this is just who I am.”
Whatever it is, I am able to sit here, at peace with who I am, who my kids are, and what our life looks like. I have never claimed to have all the answers (maybe half of them), and now I am happy to say that none of us have any answers, we just make them up as we go. The answers change, through generations, social circles, cultures, etc. Ultimately, we are all just “here.” We have, on some level, chosen to be here. I mentioned in a previous post the lesson about fate and destiny…that fate is made up of the things we can’t control (who our family is, what the weather will be like, things that “happen to us”, etc.) and destiny is discovering what gift we have to share with the world. And it is said that we cannot claim our destiny until we have accepted our fate.
It goes well with another favorite saying: Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. Other favorites: Bloom where you are planted! Abundance and prosperity are a state of mind! Feel good first!
You get the point.
So where am I going with this?
I’m trying to say that yes, I still have plenty of “bad” moments, days, weeks. I still get angry, upset, frustrated, and overwhelmed. BUT. But but but! I have embraced WHO I AM, and who “others” are, and learned to see myself in others and utilize the gift that comes with others’ serving as a mirror for ourselves. I am honest with my children, and I tell them how I feel and what I am trying to do about it. I ask them for help (5 year olds give EXCELLENT advice! lol) and let them know that I am trying my best with what I have and where I am. They know that I love them, and I make time to honor that through my actions.
So yeah. I’m getting there. I’ve come a long way. I’ve got a long way to go. Its a journey, and here I AM.
I’ll sign off with this prayer of forgiveness:
I AM forgiveness, acting here
Casting out all doubt and fear
Setting men forever free
With wings of cosmic victory
I AM calling in full power
For forgiveness every hour
To all life in every place
I flood forth forgiving Grace