Having discovered Ho’oponopono about a year ago, I have had tons of opportunities to apply it in my everyday life. Taking responsibility for one’s own creations sounds so simple, but I have experienced some intensity around this concept! One of the toughest and ironically, the easiest and most efficient areas in my life to apply this process has been with my children.

As we all know, children are extremely receptive beings. They hold the gift of simplistic truth and the ability to live in the present in all moments. The beauty of this is that we are each of us still children at heart, so we too still posess these gifts. The children in our lives are here to remind us of this. In my own life, my children seem to really test my ability to keep my cool, especially in public! One such incident (that inspired this post!) occured at K-mart the other day.  My son and I had had a discussion before going to the store that we weren’t buying anything but a picture frame, and he seemed to understand this pretty clearly. I reminded him that we’d be going to grandma’s store afterwards and he could enjoy a smoothie and a cookie as a treat for the day. He seemed excited and content with this information. As we passed through the electronics area, he was distracted by a locked display case containing DVDs of well-known characters that he loves. He begged and begged. I reminded him of our discussion, the later treats, and also that the display was locked and we couldn’t just take one out. He started screaming. I felt the tension coming, and I remembered Ho’oponopono. I immediately offered the situation up for transmutation. Connecting first to my subconscious, I repeated the phrases “I love you,” “I’m sorry,” “Please forgive me,” and “Thank you.” As I was repeating them a few times, he kept begging and screaming. I kept the cart moving toward the picture frames. The incessant Ho’oponopono kept me centered at the least, and also kept me in a non-reaction mode. By taking responsibility that I had somehow created this situation, that the tension I was experiencing was a memory in my subconscious rising to the surface to be cleared and “cleaned,” I was able to remain open to divine transmutation. The conversation in my mind went something like this:

I love you. I love my son, I love myself, I love all, because we are all one and the same. Divinity, I am sorry that I am feeling this way. I do not want to feel this way or experience this, and I understand that you have brought this to my attention for a reason, and that reason being that I have some cleaning to do. Please forgive me for any resentment or rage I am feeling towards you, myself, and my son. I do not understand the infinite complexity of this moment, and it is okay to not know. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Please forgive me for disconnecting from your love that is always pouring over me and my son. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Thank you. Thank you for loving me. I forgive myself. Thank you. I love you. I love you. I do not know why my son is experiencing such intense energy. I ask that with your love that is within us, anything that is not right be transmuted. Any unwanted thoughts, feelings, energies and ties that are binding us at this moment, please release them now. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you.

Keep in mind that while this was all going on in my head, my son was still screaming, and I was just quickly going about my business, letting him know that I hear him, that I can feel his struggle, and that I love him. That I know he really wants something, and that I am listening, but must do what I am doing. With the Ho’oponopono going on in my mind, I was able to stay centered enough to respond ti him in this way. If I hadn’t (and there have been many instances when I did not!), I may have reacted with guilt, blame, and shame. Thinking more along the lines of:

Why can’t you be quiet? I know you want the DVD, but you are really irritating me right now. We already talked about this and now you are just throwing it back in my face, trying to ruin my day! This sucks! I am feeling like crap, people are staring at us, and I’m starting to feel utterly frustrated and confused. Why are you doing this to me? Be quiet!! No! You can NOT have the DVD, we are leaving NOW and I am not getting you anything! Maybe we won’t even go to grandma’s store! 

For me, that is a huge difference. Practicing incessant Ho’oponopono leaves no room in my thoughts for a conversation like the second one mentioned! And with my kids, these conversations can make or break my day sometimes! It really comes down to remembering to practice, and the more frequent the practice, the more it becomes my natural and dominant response to any situation.

I want to mention that I also practice Ho’oponopono out loud around my kids when I feel so inclined. Sometimes I feel like the crazy mommy barely awake with frazzled hair, sitting on the floor surrounded by cheerios and yogurt that have been spilled everywhere, sand creaming children in the background. Yet there I am, sitting, repeating out loud “I LOVE YOU. I’M SORRY. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. THANK YOU!” Sometimes in my raging monster mommy moments, these phrases come out of my mouth as militant commands, as though my ego is fighting against me. Sometimes the conversation during these intense at-home moments goes a little like this when I’m having an “off” day:

I love you. I don’t know that the heck is going on right now but I love you. Thank you for this opportunity for me to let go of my rage. I’m sorry. I don’t know what the heck for, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry I feel like ripping my hair out and just walking out the door, yogurt  dripping off my shoulder and all. I’m sorry for not wanting to be a mommy right now. Please forgive me. Divinity, please forgive me and transmute these feelings with your love. With my love. I love you. I love my children. I love my children. I love my children. Do I really love my children? Yes, I think I do. They are driving me nuts. But I love them. Thank you. I love you. I’m sorry I am seeing this situation as a problem. I’m sorry I cannot see the blessings in all of this right now. I forgive myself. I forgive myself. I forgive myself. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you. I love my children. I love myself. I love you. I love you. I love you. Thank you! 

Indeed, Ho’oponopono is a wonderful process for me to practice. It helps for me to remember that I am not doing it to see results. I am doing it to feel better in the moment. And that is the most important result there is.

The relationship between my children and I, especially with my older son who is three, has been an ongoing progression. There have been a lot of ups and downs, triumphs and defeats. We have been through some very difficult experiences together, and there have been periods where I have been able to transform these experiences into joyful growth. Sometimes I am able to shift my perspective and see all the beauty in what perceived challenges we’ve overcome. Lately though, we’ve been in a bit of turmoil. I have been experiencing what I can only describe as outbursts of rage and absolute frustration. Sometimes I feel as though I am really making an effort to be one step ahead of each of our needs so that we can live peacefully, but that one or both kids just throw it back in my face. I end up feeling unappreciated, unheard, overwhelmed, and hateful. When I get into that downward spiral of dark emotions, it seems as though they really are plotting against me!

      Today I was reflecting on my own childhood, and was finally able to admit to myself that while my overall circumstances seemed “fine” on the outside, I was experiencing a lot of pain on the inside. Feelings of loneliness and longing were the dominant emotions. My nightmares involved being abandoned and left alone to fight what darkness may exist. My parents showed me much love, and they were really doing the best they could, but I often felt overlooked and ignored. It seemed as though their own problems were so great that whatever complaints I had tended to be brushed aside or minimalized. They seemed to be struggling to make ends meet, and I felt like I was struggling to just BE with them in the moment. I felt some intense emotions, but I’m not sure I felt safe enough to express them, so I suppressed them for the most part. They would make their way to the surface in outbursts of rage, frustration and jealousy of others who had it “better” than I. In the past, I might put blame on my parents for my circumstances or emotions, but today I can recognize that they were feeling their own intense emotions. Perhaps they were just mirroring to me that they too felt unappreciated, unheard, unimportant and maybe even small and powerless. There is no blame here. But I am taking responsibility by recognizing my part in the situation as well as their part, and taking inspired action to move forward by ending the cycle!

There was much joy in my life, but I feel it is important for me to recognized the emotions that were suppressed for so long, because they seem to really be making their way to the surface lately. My two young children sometimes end up being at the receiving end of my explosions, and it never feels good for any of us. It is my desire to allow all of those suppress emotions come to the surface and be released from my soul, so that I can fully move on and grow in exponential ways. My children and I deserve to feel joy!

      So today, I resolve to have constructive outlets to release whatever suppressed emotions exist in my heart. Through my artwork, mindful breathing, vigorous and exuberating exercise, music and dance, or even just beating or screaming into a pillow.

     We are a TEAM as a family, and we work together. We support each other and offer unconditional love and forgiveness on a moment-to-moment basis. It is healthy for my children to see me move through this, and it is important for me to model healthy ways of releasing built-up intesity. We respect each other and have patience with each other. I am the facilitator, offering an abundance of opportunities for us all to grow and create.

     
        As the more experienced in form, it is my “job” to show my children effective ways to function in this physical realm. As the more recently born from the spirit realm, it is my children’s “job” to remind me of the divine within me, and to follow my intuition in each moment. As beings with less “should” or “supposed to” programming, they remind me to be myself. Refreshingly honest and full of energy and vitality, I have a lot to learn from my children!

      I desire to keep moving forward with progress in the relationship between my children and I. Putting this into focus, I hope that I can create reminders for myself often enough to have peace and joy be the dominant emotions in this relationship!